


Tweek's Maid Café

by ayeshaeroticastan



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crossdressing, Fluff, High School, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:40:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26385790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayeshaeroticastan/pseuds/ayeshaeroticastan
Summary: Tweek's got a secret job at a maid café, but will his secret finally be exposed when Craig comes in for a meal?
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

The café was bustling with activity. Sounds of bells ringing, heels clacking, and meaningless conversation made an overwhelming cacophony of noise for one specific waitress- er… waiter. Tweek Tweak sat on the floor of the employee bathroom, hands shaking and tears swelling, trying to tune out the noise that awaits from outside the door. Tweek was always easily overstimulated, but it was never this debilitating. Sure, he always preferred to stay locked up in his room during the Fourth of July and he never really cared for movie theaters; but he could always function. He could not realize why he had such great anxiety until he reached for his pocket—then realized he did not have one. He was still in uniform; a gaudy maid dress outlined with white lace, covered in ruffles, and pink ribbons fastened neatly onto locks of his unruly blonde hair. He had come to the realization that he had two options: wait until the end of the lunch rush to escape the bathroom, or dash to the exit with the speed of a thousand cheetahs. He took a glance at the clock and saw that it was only 12:15 and the lunch rush was no near its end, and suddenly remembered he had already planned on hanging out with his boyfriend, Craig, in about 45 minutes. Tweek took a deep breath and swung open the door with the strength of a hurricane. He daintily grabbed the edges of his skirt and sprinted towards the exit, which also served as the front door of the café. The bright light of the sun reflecting off the glass door was almost in his grasp, but then tragedy struck. Tweek hadn’t noticed the foot of a customer sticking out of the white tablecloth that ever so slightly touched the café’s tiled floor and fell flat on his face right in front of the door. “Uh… are you okay, miss?” Tweek heard someone say. But there was something familiar about that deep nasally voice that asked the question. He saw the person outstretch a hand to help him up and when Tweek grabbed it, he had felt comfortable, almost as if all the embarrassment of his fall left his body. But when Tweek finally saw the face of the person that helped him up, his embarrassment came back tenfold. He finally realized why the voice was so familiar and why the grasp of the hand was so comforting. They had belonged to Craig.

“That was uh… quite a fall you took,” Craig said with an awkward chuckle. Tweek stared directly at Craig, eyes unblinking and cheeks reddening. “Miss…? Can you hear me?” Craig tilted his head like a confused dog. It was at this point that Tweek realized that Craig did not recognize him.

“Um. Yeah, yeah. I’m okay,” Tweek said in a strained falsetto. He needed to get out of the café before Craig realized who he was.

“Well then, table for one please.”

Tweek screamed internally. There was no way he could get through serving Craig without getting recognized.

“We’re currently in the middle of a lunch rush sir.” Tweek had wondered why Craig would arrive so soon to the time when they were supposed to hang out. Craig always meticulously planned his dates with Tweek to a T. While he certainly was not as neurotic as his boyfriend, Craig took pride in the amount of effort he puts into planning their dates.

“Surely you could find another place to eat that--”

“Table for one?”, one of the other waitresses interrupted. “I think we can fit you in right over here.” She gestured towards an empty table with one lone chair towards the corner of the café.

Tweek let out a quiet sigh. “Right this way sir,” he said as he led Craig to the table.


	2. Chapter 2

Craig trailed behind the waitress as she led him to the table. He noticed that her dress was cut quite high and gently swayed left and right as she walked so he kept his eyes off of her as he followed. Luckily for Tweek, this meant Craig could not see his constant finger fidgeting and jerky movements as he walked. He already had to bite his tongue to avoid letting out any nervous groans. After walking for what felt like an eternity, they had reached the table. As café tradition, Tweek pulled out the chair for Craig and filled the lone glass on the table with ice water from a pitcher he was carrying. After Craig had taken a seat, Tweek awkwardly unfolded the napkin on his lap, noticeably trying to avoid eye contact. Craig had noticed the waitress was acting strangely, but he assumed it was because of the uncomfortableness of her occupation. Truth be told, Craig also felt uncomfortable with the situation, but he ignored his own feelings as he would have felt bad if he made the waitress do all that just for him to leave before ordering a meal. Tweek handed Craig a café menu. Normally, Tweek would have to guide the customer through the menu, tell them about the daily specials, and generally act cute and bubbly; but he had left almost immediately after giving Craig the menu. He knew he would be reprimanded by his boss for that, but Tweek wanted to keep what little dignity he had left. After Tweek was out of his direct line of sight, Craig took out his phone and began texting Clyde.

“Dude! I thought you said this place wasn’t weird!” He sent to Clyde with some eye-rolling emojis. A grey bubble with dots appeared at the bottom of his phone screen. Clyde was typing.

“It isn’t! Are you at the right place?” Clyde responded.

“I’m in a café. There are maids. You tell me.”

“You don’t have to act like a dick. What’s going on?”

“The waitress is acting all weird. Are you sure the food is worth it?”

“Yes! Tweek is going to love all the cute shapes the food comes in.”

“Ugh, fine I’ll stay. The service better be fast, I’m already behind schedule.”

Craig sighed and put his phone back in his pocket. He knew asking Clyde for help with his date would not go well but he had no other options. Tweek always needed something to do with his hands. Back in elementary school, Craig remembered how Tweek could build a LEGO set in under 30 minutes. As he got older, he stopped playing with LEGOs but Tweek always searched for new things to do with his hands. He played practically every instrument known to man and tried to take up woodworking, though his fidgeting made it hard to get any precise cut. While Craig was able to find some way to understand all of Tweek’s old hobbies, he could not wrap his head around Tweek’s new one at all. Tweek had started building anime model kits. Giant robots, complex mech suits, medieval monsters, you name it.

While Tweek called it “a natural progression from LEGOs”, Craig did not understand it at all. Tweek would spend hours up in his room, meticulously painting and gluing every piece together. He wouldn’t even leave to eat, despite Craig’s constant reminders. Craig felt a rift growing between them; whether that rift existed was debatable, but Craig wasn’t going to lose his boyfriend because of model robots. He had hoped the maid café would help him get a better understanding of anime culture, but he felt even more confused than before. At the very least, he wished Tweek would appreciate the food from the café. He heard from Clyde that the café served all of Tweek’s favorite sweets so now he just wanted to get the food then leave.

Craig folded his arms on the table and slammed his head into them in a mix of disappointment and frustration, not knowing the waitress was on her way back.

“S-sir? Are you okay?” Tweek asked still in his phony high-pitched voice.

Craig jolted his head up immediately and stared at the waitress, cheeks flushed, and donned a strained smile. “Yes,” he barely managed to mutter through his embarrassment.


	3. Chapter 3

The two locked eyes with each other in awkward silence. Craig struggled to sustain his not very convincing smile while Tweek’s arm started to tremble as it tired out from holding the pitcher of water. 

“Umm…” Tweek mumbled. “Are you ready to order, sir?”

“Uhh… Yes. Yes, I am.” Craig’s voice cracked as he answered. He felt as if the waitress was just as embarrassed as he was for some reason. Craig opened the menu to the dessert section and began searching for Tweek’s favorites. “I need a mocha truffle cheesecake, two matcha swiss rolls, the…” Craig squinted to get a better look at the names of the dishes. “The kitty kitty parfait?” he said, raising his inflection on the word “parfait”. He knew what he said out loud was correct, he just felt stupid saying it. “And uh...” Craig skimmed over the menu one last time. “Yeah, that’s everything. Can I get this all to go?”

Tweek felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he heard Craig say, “to go”. While he knew it was highly unlikely, deep down he was anxious that Craig had forgotten about their date. He had felt so disconnected from Craig lately. While in the past the two could talk about anything for hours, Tweek noticed that Craig wouldn’t fill the silence with the sound of his voice on their daily Facetime calls. Seconds of silence turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, and then eventually, hours turned into days. Craig stopped calling him after school. The most Tweek would get would be a daily text at 6:00 P.M. that read “Eat dinner,” which would be followed by another text at 11:00 P.M. that read “Go to sleep.” Tweek had no clue why Craig had been so distant all of a sudden. Now, he was hoping that what he needs to tell Craig wouldn’t cancel the date entirely. “Sir, you can’t take it to go,” Tweek had said meekly. “Restaurant policy.”

“What?!” Craig had responded in a loud voice. “Look miss, I really need to take this food to go. I’ll tip you extra, I’ll tip your manager extra, I’ll give money to whoever I need to so I can get out of here with my food.”  
“I’m sorry sir, but I- “

“Please ma’am, it’s very important! I need to get to my boyfriend!” Craig interrupted. He felt his face get red-hot when he realized he was yelling in the middle of a restaurant. He noticed some of the nearby patrons staring at him. “I’m sorry for losing control of my emotions like that,” Craig apologized to the waitress. “But is there really no way for me to take the food to go?”

Tweek stared at Craig earnestly. “How about you call your boyfriend and tell him to come here? I’m sure he’d love to sit and eat with you,” he told Craig sweetly. He resisted the urge to take Craig’s hand, still hoping to stay unrecognized by him.

“Yeah… yeah, I’ll do that. Thank you miss.” Craig felt something oddly familiar about the way the waitress gave advice, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He pulled out his phone and began to search for Tweek’s contact. “Hey miss, I don’t think I ever got-“ Craig looked up from his phone and the waitress was nowhere to be seen. “-your name.”

Tweek ran as fast as he could from Craig’s table to the employee break room as soon as Craig took his eyes off of him. He needed to get there before Craig’s call went to voicemail. He practically slammed his full body into the break room’s door as he rushed inside. He could already hear his phone buzzing in his cubby. Tweek threw the clothes covering the phone out of the cubby and pounded the green answer button with his thumb.

“Babe, change of plans. Meet me at the café on the edge of town as soon as you can. The one Clyde is always talking about. See you soon. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Tweek hastily started to take off his uniform. He twisted his arms in an uncomfortable position to undo the zipper on the back of the dress. He practically threw his ruffled headband into the cubby. He did not gently untie the ribbon attaching the fake collar to his neck, and instead ripped it off from him. He forcefully shoved his legs into his black trousers, wrinkled from being thrown into a pile. He hurriedly threw his arms into his olive-green shirt and quickly buttoned it up. He took a few deep breaths to regain his composure and exited the break room. He lowered himself closer to the ground as he walked towards the front door to give the illusion that he had just entered the café. Once he made it to the front door, he pushed it open so that the bell above the doorframe would ring. He saw Craig stand up from his chair and begin to wave his arms to get Tweek’s attention. As he walked towards Craig, he whispered discreetly to the waitress at the front desk. “Don’t say that I work here.”

When Tweek arrived at the table, Craig rushed to hug him. Both of them held on to the hug a little bit too long. It was obvious they both longed for each other’s embrace, but neither of them would admit. When they finally let go, Tweek noticed Craig was staring at him with a weird smirk on his face.

“What’s with that face?” Tweek asked him.

“Tweek” it was obvious he was trying to hold back a laugh. “Your fly is open.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context, "gunpla" refers to buildable plastic models of robots from the Gundam anime series. P-Bandai is a website that sells Gundam and gunpla models.

Tweek turned himself away from Craig as he zipped up his fly and then flipped Craig the middle finger.

“Stealing my thing, huh babe?”

“Fuck off,” Tweek said with an eye roll. “You don’t own the middle finger.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s like my whole personality.”

“Yeah, maybe when we were like ten. I can’t even remember the last time you’ve flipped the bird.”

Craig shot up his middle finger. “Right now.”

“You’re so corny.”

“I know.” Craig guided Tweek’s face towards his own and gave him a peck on the lips. “That’s why you love me,” he chuckled.

Tweek borrowed a chair from a nearby table and placed it across from Craig. He gently undid the folded napkin on the table, placed the utensils to the side, and placed the napkin on his lap.

“This place isn’t exactly fine dining, babe.” Craig laughed to himself.

“It’s always nice to practice proper etiquette! It’s called being respectful.” Tweek knew that practically no one practiced proper table manners at the café, but he didn’t care. He knew that most of the town didn’t treat this place with respect, that most saw it as some fetish bait place sitting on the outskirts of town. But Tweek knew the truth, the friendly rapport between the staff and the customers, the familial relationship between the employees, the food made with love from chefs just trying to get their feet off the ground; and he wouldn’t think of disrespecting a place that made him feel so happy.

“I wonder where that waitress went,” Craig said aloud to no one in particular.

“Oh, did you already order?” Tweek played dumb to avoid being found out.

“Yeah, I got here about like 20 minutes ago or something. I wanted to take it to go but she wouldn’t let me so now we’re here.”

“Ah.”

The two sat in awkward silence for a short while. Tweek nervously looked around as Craig scrolled away aimlessly on his phone. “So, I ordered a new model,” Tweek tried to start up a conversation. “It’s a Japan import. They only sell it over there. I got lucky enough to win the eBay auction after a fierce bidding war. I just hope the box won’t be damaged when it goes through customs.” Tweek tended to ramble on about things he was excited about, but Craig usually entertains him by asking follow-up questions and clarifications. Craig knew he wasn’t a really good talker, even with his friends, but he sure was a good listener.

“Cool.” Craig struggled to think of something else to say. “So which one is this?”

“This one is a gunpla model! I don’t have many of those because they’re pre-painted and you know how much I enjoy painting, but the design of this one was just so cool I couldn’t resist. It was kinda expensive for a gunpla model, but then I found out it’s a P-Bandai Japan-exclusive, so I think the rarity balances out the price, don’t you?”

Gunpla? P-Bandai? Craig did not have a single clue what Tweek was talking about. “Yeah definitely,” Craig responded. He could not think of a way to continue this conversation without showing how little he knew about whatever Tweek was talking about. “So, uh, this place is nice. Nicer than I expected.”

“Well, what did you think it was gonna look like?” Tweek tried his best to not sound defensive.

“I thought it would be trashy, I guess. I mean Clyde is always raving about this place and I have little faith in anything Clyde likes.”

“Just because Clyde likes something doesn’t mean it’s going to suck.”

“C’mon you know Clyde. He would treat Hooters as a five-star dining experience.”

“So, because he goes to Hooters, the café would be just as trashy? I’m not following your logic.”

“Why are you getting so defensive about this place?”

“Because you always do this Craig! You judge a book by its cover every time!”

“The waitresses are in maid dresses that barely cover their panties Tweek! You can’t tell me that I wasn’t kind of right!”

“That’s not the point! You do this with everything!”

“That’s not true! I’ve never trashed your models even though I don’t like them!”

“You… you don’t like my models?” he said in a softer voice. Tweek’s mind began to race and latched on to the worst-case scenario. All of his fears about their relationship were coming true.

“Wait no, I didn’t mean it like that- “

Craig was interrupted by the sound of Tweek scooting his chair out from under the table. He took the napkin off his lap, threw it onto the table, and ran towards the restrooms.

“Tweek, wait!” Craig yelled as he ran after him, but Tweek slammed the door in his face. Inside the restroom, Tweek sat on the floor and resisted the urge to cry. “Tweek, please! I didn’t mean it like that!”

“What did you mean then, huh?! How you don’t like my hobbies? How you don’t like how I spend my time? How do you like me anymore?” Tweek shouted from inside the restroom.

“What?! Why would I not like you anymore? Please, just let me in.”

The door to the restroom gently opened and Craig went inside.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long break between this chapter and the last one, schoolwork piled up but I should be able to consistently write again. Thank you for all the positive comments! I'm sorry for not replying to any, but I appreciate them!

When Craig entered the restroom, he saw Tweek sitting on the floor, legs brought up to his chest, head buried in his knees, and tears dotting his flushed cheeks. He tried to wipe away his boyfriend’s tears gently with his thumb, but Tweek swatted his thumb away. Craig took the hint and didn’t try to physically console his boyfriend, but he wouldn’t break his eye contact with Tweek. “Tweek.” Craig took in a deep inhale to prepare himself for what he was about to say. “I love you. I still love you. I did love you and I still will love you. And it breaks my heart to hear you don’t think I like you anymore.” His voice cracked as he continued. “Everything we’ve done, we’ve done together. Feldspar and Robin Tweek. Wonder Tweek and Super Craig.” He fondly remembered their alter egos from the games they would play as little kids. “We’ve raised like, what, five guinea pigs together now? We’ve seen each other at our highest and our lowest. How could I not love you?” Craig didn’t know what brought Tweek to the conclusion that he didn’t love him anymore, so he hoped these affirmations of his love would calm Tweek down.

Tweek raised his head from his knees to look at Craig. His cheeks were considerably redder, and snot was leaking from his nose. Craig grabbed a paper towel and handed it to Tweek. “Because I never hear from you anymore Craig! We used to Facetime every day, now I’m lucky even if I get one call a month! I get your food reminders, but I bet those are going to stop soon too. I always have to fill the silence in the conversations, but a few months ago there never were any silences! I feel like I’m losing you but nothing’s changed.” Tweek stopped to loudly blow his nose. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, Craig! Why aren’t we what we used to be?” As if the realization of his strained relationship had hit him over the head, Tweek’s soft crying evolved into violent sobbing. He threw himself onto Craig, holding him tightly as he cried into his shoulder.

Craig gently brushed his hand up and down across Tweek’s back. “Everything’s gonna be ok,” he whispered softly. “Everything’s gonna be fine.” He was hoping Tweek could find solace in his affirmations that Craig himself didn’t fully believe. He thought about what Tweek had asked right before he broke down. “Why aren’t we what we used to be?” He didn’t know. There was no big fight that drifted the two apart. There was no breach of trust that left them more distant. There were no accusations of cheating; Craig wouldn’t even dare linger on that thought. Was this something normal? Do all couples go through this? Maybe Clyde and Bebe weren’t as melodramatic as he thought they were? Were him and Tweek the outliers? When you live in paradise for so long, you forget how to deal with your problems, he thought to himself. Suddenly, Tweek’s grasp on Craig considerably loosened. He removed his head from his shoulder and stared Craig deep in the eyes. He gently led Craig’s towards his own and locked lips with him. Their surroundings melted away from them, all that existed was the two of them. Craig could feel the soft trembles of Tweek’s lips, still recovering from his breakdown. Tweek moved his hands to caress Craig’s face, feeling comforted in the warmth of his cheeks. After an eternity of just existing within each other’s arms, the two broke apart, smiling like schoolchildren.

“You were right, Craig. Everything is gonna be okay,” he told him gently.

“Tweek, I’m so sorry for making you feel that way. I know this is gonna sound so fucking stupid, but I think I was drifting apart from you because I don’t understand your anime stuff.”

Tweek let out a hard laugh. “Really?!” he scoffed. “When did you stop being a huge nerd? Don’t you still collect _Red Racer_ stuff?” Tweek saw Craig’s ears redden. “But next time you feel lost, just tell me to explain, okay? I won’t mind.”

“I have a question; how do you afford all of this? I thought you refused to keep working for your parents.”

Tweek let out a sigh. “Well, I guess you had to find out sooner or later.” Tweek grabbed Craig’s hand and led him out of the restroom and towards the employee break room. “Let me just show you.”


End file.
